brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I think weed is turning my hair brown
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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