We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
