Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
