this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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