i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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