No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
