I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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