you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
