he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
