i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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