we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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