Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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