super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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