We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I have tasted many bathrooms
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
