Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm at about main and main street
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
