my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
