Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
