Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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