I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Randomize
