these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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