dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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