I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
