Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
COCAINE IS GR8
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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