sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Randomize
