The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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