i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
