How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
