If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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