so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
