Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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