I'm jealous of your bromance
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
