I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
