The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
