I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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