I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
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