i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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