as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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