Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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