dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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