I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
