All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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