those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Randomize
