what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
