You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
