She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
