i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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