what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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