Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I am never drinking with the goths again.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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