the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
