Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
